As the title suggests, embracing both one’s sexuality and individuality is not only acceptable but encouraged. In this day and age of 2024, the stigma once attached to being gay or lesbian has significantly diminished compared to the societal attitudes of 30 or 40 years ago. While my focus is primarily on gay men and lesbian women, as a psychologist specializing in LGBTQI+ issues, I’ve observed an intriguing trend within our community that warrants discussion.

There seems to be a tendency where if one identifies as being gay or lesbian, then that assumes they should share the same interests, cultural, and socio-political ideologies as others within their community. To be blunt, I am referring to a tendency whereby if one is gay (or lesbian), then one should adopt a “liberal-progressive” political stance that transcends any political or social topic. To be gay (or lesbian) means that you should also have certain interests and tastes that align with the homogenous whole of your community (i.e., a dislike of guns, an inclination towards the “finer things,” an affinity to physical health regimens, and the list goes on). Of course, much of these are stereotypes, but, many stereotypes are born in part from some type of factual basis. In the end, stereotypes are not only unhelpful when they are postulated from those outside of that particular minority group, but also within in.

For example, as a gay man, I defy many of the stereotypes commonly associated with my identity. I enjoy activities like shooting at the gun range, hunting, fishing, and conceal carrying. I drive a Ford F-150 and indulge in first-person shooter video games. Moreover, my socio-political beliefs often diverge from those of many others within the LGBTQI+ community. However, I also appreciate the finer things in life. My background as a professional classical musician has taken me across the globe, exposing me to diverse cultures and culinary traditions. While I may prefer dressing down, I equally enjoy dressing in more refined attire on occasion. I constantly seek to expand my horizons by learning and incorporating new perspectives from various cultures.

One of the things I emphasize with my patients who identify as gay (or lesbian), is that it’s okay to be unique and different. Like many of the stories I’ve heard from them, I also felt as if I were supposed to fit into a certain mold that my community expected of me in order to feel welcomed. What’s essential to understand here is that being a member of the LGBTQI+ community doesn’t erase the individuality of each person within it. While there are shared experiences and struggles that bond us, it doesn’t mean we all fit into the same mold. Diversity within the community should be celebrated, not flattened into one-dimensional caricatures based on outdated assumptions.

It’s crucial for us, as a community, to challenge these stereotypes and recognize that our differences enrich our collective experience. We need to create spaces where everyone feels welcome to express their true selves without fear of judgment or ostracization based on not conforming to a preconceived notion of what it means to be gay or lesbian.

So, let’s continue to push the boundaries of what it means to be LGBTQI+, embracing the diversity of identities, interests, and beliefs within our community. After all, it’s our differences that make us stronger and more resilient in the face of adversity. Let’s celebrate the complexity of who we are and strive for a future where everyone feels accepted and valued for who they truly are.