This blog post is an opinion piece…after all, even psychologists have opinions. This topic is probably one of the most taboo to talk about – when you love someone but also realize you want to have a sex life that may involve others. For the longest time, mankind has held the opinion that a successful relationship is one in which each partner in the dyad (i.e., couple) is loyal and committed to each other until the day they die. This can be true…to an extent. Don’t get me wrong, I think monogamy can be important and a respectable standard to have, however, sometimes, for some people, this may not be as relevant or helpful anymore. If we think about it, the concept of sex representing one’s love, admiration, and loyalty is a pretty tall order. Do you stick with the same restaurant, soda, automobile manufacturer, or doctor for life? Most likely not. Personally, I will admit, while I am die-hard Coca-Cola fan, I love sampling and evening enjoying other sodas, especially the Brazilian Guarana soda.

A romantic relationship is a bit more complicated than one’s personal preferences for various consumer-goods or services. For example, in a healthy relationship, there is hopefully good communication between partners, a commitment to bettering one another, being present in each other’s lives, perhaps the aspiration of having kids, and the list goes on. Can these things occur even if one or more partners would like to explore others sexually? Of course they can. For the skeptics, I get it, it makes sense – the act of sexual intercourse and exploration bring two people together to have the most intimate connection, thus, this should only be reserved for those who want to commit to each other until the day they die…or at the very least, reduce the likelihood of someone contracting a sexually transmitted infection. I will take this a step further – being in a monogamous and committed relationship represents one’s ability to rough it, show true grit, problem solve, and be “enough.” Does it though? Are those the “outcome measures” we measure our successes in relationships by? Is that realistic? Maybe…maybe not. I will venture to say it will likely depend on each couple.

There are some key ingredients that can make being in a non-monogamous or “semi-monogamous” relationship be prosperous and enjoyable. Some key ingredients include 1. communication, 2. curiosity, 3. values, and 4. non-judgment. Communication is certainly the pillar(s) and foundation for which the relationship style would ideally be built from – without them, the relationship has the likelihood of falling apart under its own weight. Having a healthy sense of curiosity can allow for both partners to explore themselves and others in a new way that can counter traditional monogamous and heteronormative values/standards. Values are your guiding compass in your quest of sexual exploration that also influence what boundaries, expectations, “do’s and don’ts” would be permitted in the relationship…which also ties back to communication. Lastly, having a non-judgmental attitude towards each other and talking about the prospect of having a different relationship style than your parents, neighbors, and friends will help promote curiosity, help facilitate open communication, and guide a discussion surrounding the values you both have and how they may relate to your relationship.

I realize this is purely opinionated, but it does represent something I think can be helpful for individuals and couples to consider as they try to create, enhance, or modify how they choose to live their lives. After all, monogamy may not be the best fit for every couple.